PinkPlushChicken
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Goodbye, HotS
5 min read
Hey there,
to be honest, I have no idea how to start this message, so I'll just jump straight to the point:
I'm going to leave the group.
It's not because of anyone personally in the group or anything that happened or sth, it's simply because I finally realized that HotS ... doesn't really do good for me, or my mental health. It's just that this was the first time ever I got really involved in an ARPG group, and was part of the staff and such, and so it took me a while to realize that actually, I sadly tend to get WAY too emotionally invested in this type of thing, always stressing myself out about everything, from deadlines to doubting if my quests are really "quality" enough to forcing myself to be active even in times I was doing super bad personally, because I didn't want to "let the team/group hang".
It even fucked up my relationship with my own creativity/art, because I realized that having to meet certain requirements in my art really started to drag me down and made creating pictures more of a chore then a relaxing hobby? (like such as - just an example - art HAVING to be colored/fullbody to bring rolls even tho I personally would find it prettier in greyscale/partial body, and then having to decide what's worth more - me actually liking my picture or getting rewards for it. I started to measure my art not in how much it brought me joy to create it, or how goodlooking I found it, but simply in how much roses it would be worth, and if it qualified for rolls, and if it didn't, I would wonder "what's the point in making it, then?", forgetting that the obvious reason should be "because you're an artist and enjoy the outcome of the picture." )
And this always made me doubt my own art, because I often had to edit it in ways that made me actually like it LESS, just to meet the requirements. And that's not how I like to do art, it's great if it works actually more as a motivator or inspiring prompts for others, but for me, it is no real fun. I lost the energy to work on my own, outside-of-HotS-projects, because I was always worried to not get all my monthly challenges done in time if I """"wasted"""" time with personal things, or that someone would ""snatch away"" a horse I was trying to claim if I didn't throw out the next attempt after exactly 24 hours, even though it resulted in hurried, rushed art that made my perfectionist heart cringe. Tbh the whole... competitive nature of the NPC claiming really stressed me out as a whole, I know this is just how it's done in most groups here on dA but I really don't like it, it always felt super rude/mean to try out for a horse I fell in love with as soon as someone else was trying out too?
Aside from that I also just... lost my fun in being an admin here. RNG rolling probably never really was my thing, I just failed to realize it and even the NPC admin job was... not as much fun anymore, because I always felt bad when I had to tell people what was "wrong" in their designs.
Especially because actually, I personally have much less strict standards in how a horse should have to look then the official group standards, and I always related to the people who were sad over having to change their design over and over, and having to tell them all the time even tho it was not even my own opinion. It's super fine and ok if someone prefers design guidelines like that, but it really is a bit too much for me personally, to each their own I think.
All in all, being in HotS just ended up becoming way more stressful then fun to me, and it's not really a place I fell "at home" in anymore. Not because of someone in particular or because of some drama or whatever, but simply... because I realized that working in groups like this is not for me, I definetly won't join such stuff in the future. And that it would be healthier for me to leave. I actually only needed so long to realize this because actually, the overal concept of the group is really fun and the community itself was so damn nice, I met super cool people and characters - I really hope y'all keep having a good time in here, thanks for the great memories I made in this group nonetheless!
Farewell,
Plush
to be honest, I have no idea how to start this message, so I'll just jump straight to the point:
I'm going to leave the group.
It's not because of anyone personally in the group or anything that happened or sth, it's simply because I finally realized that HotS ... doesn't really do good for me, or my mental health. It's just that this was the first time ever I got really involved in an ARPG group, and was part of the staff and such, and so it took me a while to realize that actually, I sadly tend to get WAY too emotionally invested in this type of thing, always stressing myself out about everything, from deadlines to doubting if my quests are really "quality" enough to forcing myself to be active even in times I was doing super bad personally, because I didn't want to "let the team/group hang".
It even fucked up my relationship with my own creativity/art, because I realized that having to meet certain requirements in my art really started to drag me down and made creating pictures more of a chore then a relaxing hobby? (like such as - just an example - art HAVING to be colored/fullbody to bring rolls even tho I personally would find it prettier in greyscale/partial body, and then having to decide what's worth more - me actually liking my picture or getting rewards for it. I started to measure my art not in how much it brought me joy to create it, or how goodlooking I found it, but simply in how much roses it would be worth, and if it qualified for rolls, and if it didn't, I would wonder "what's the point in making it, then?", forgetting that the obvious reason should be "because you're an artist and enjoy the outcome of the picture." )
And this always made me doubt my own art, because I often had to edit it in ways that made me actually like it LESS, just to meet the requirements. And that's not how I like to do art, it's great if it works actually more as a motivator or inspiring prompts for others, but for me, it is no real fun. I lost the energy to work on my own, outside-of-HotS-projects, because I was always worried to not get all my monthly challenges done in time if I """"wasted"""" time with personal things, or that someone would ""snatch away"" a horse I was trying to claim if I didn't throw out the next attempt after exactly 24 hours, even though it resulted in hurried, rushed art that made my perfectionist heart cringe. Tbh the whole... competitive nature of the NPC claiming really stressed me out as a whole, I know this is just how it's done in most groups here on dA but I really don't like it, it always felt super rude/mean to try out for a horse I fell in love with as soon as someone else was trying out too?
Aside from that I also just... lost my fun in being an admin here. RNG rolling probably never really was my thing, I just failed to realize it and even the NPC admin job was... not as much fun anymore, because I always felt bad when I had to tell people what was "wrong" in their designs.
Especially because actually, I personally have much less strict standards in how a horse should have to look then the official group standards, and I always related to the people who were sad over having to change their design over and over, and having to tell them all the time even tho it was not even my own opinion. It's super fine and ok if someone prefers design guidelines like that, but it really is a bit too much for me personally, to each their own I think.
All in all, being in HotS just ended up becoming way more stressful then fun to me, and it's not really a place I fell "at home" in anymore. Not because of someone in particular or because of some drama or whatever, but simply... because I realized that working in groups like this is not for me, I definetly won't join such stuff in the future. And that it would be healthier for me to leave. I actually only needed so long to realize this because actually, the overal concept of the group is really fun and the community itself was so damn nice, I met super cool people and characters - I really hope y'all keep having a good time in here, thanks for the great memories I made in this group nonetheless!
Farewell,
Plush
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